My good friend Anne, in Scotland posted dis video de udder day.  It be Simon’s Cat(!) demonstrating exactly what I wants to share wit you.

Heh, heh, heh….dat Simon’s Cat!  He be so funny!  Anyways, Let’s be talkin’ ’bout tings dat staff be callin’ “irritating tactics” and what I be calls Purrsuasion.

• Mwowing:  Dis be de easiest.  Go into a room where staff and computer aren’t and mwow.  A lot.  Use different pitches and volume.  Staff will yell your name and ask you to be quiet or come into de room where dey are–don’t do it.  Dey will eventually get up to see what be buggin’ you and dat’s where you dash in and switch users on de computer. 
• Walking on staff:  Hop up on de chair or couch or whatever staff be sittin’ on and walk back and fort and back and fort over dey lap.  Be sure to let your tail brush across dere face.  Sometimes stop and lay on dey hands to make de typing difficult.  Staff will give up and set de computer aside to snuggle wit you.  Dat’s when you hop down and go fur de computer.
• Chewing:  Chew on de side of de computer.  Chew on anyting stickin’ out of de USB port.  Pretend to chew on de cord–don’t actually chew on de cord my kitty friends, dat be dangerous!  Again, staff may give up becuz you be so pestery and set de computer aside.
• Loud disturbance:  Go to a different room from staff and knock someting over.  Staff will yell and come to investigate.  Opening cupboard doors works, too.  Especially if you open dem just a bit and let dem slam closed repeatedly.
• Visual distraction:  Hop up on some place where staff sez you’re not supposed to be in a place where staff can see you.  Dey will yell at you to get down–don’t.  Make dem set de computer aside and come “scare” you off dat place.

You can be see dat dese purrsuasions work, cuz I be a-bloggin’!  Heh heh heh!  What  techniques do you be usin’ to get your way, my kitty friends?   Mwow!

I hasn’t blogged in a very, very long time, and it be my goal to be not let dat happen any mores.  I’s had a pretty good summer so far, wit de catchin’ of de mousies, de stalkin’ of de birdies, and de taunting and manipulatin’ of de staff.  I has a new lair up in de high reaches of de house:

Dis be in a corner over-looking de big drop-off behind a speaker tingie.  I be hidden, but in a purrfect place to spy on de staff.  I can hear what be happenin’ downstairs–like when my chow bowl be gettin’ filled, and I can be keepin’ an eye on dem if dey be up here too.  In de mornings, dere be a sunbeam right here.  I be tryin’ to lay down a nice layer of my furs to be makin’ dis place even more comfy, but de staff keeps takin’ it.  Whatever.  (Notice de hairs I placed on de speaker tingie just dis morning…heh heh heh!)  I am Pook.  I sleeps where I wants and puts my furs dere to claim my territory.  Yup.

I hopes you be havin’ a good ole summer too.  Later, my kitty friends!  Mwow!

Yesterday, staff went to de cupboard and got out de green pitcher to water de plants.  Plants be very needy and must be watered just so or dey will die; AND water should not be wasted, especially when it could be shared wit de kitty in de house.  SO…in order to make sure de plants get what dey need and I gets what I wants, I make it my habit to follow staffs around when dey be watering.  I make sure I sees how water is placed in de pitcher and exactly where it goes in de plant’s pot.  I put my face as close to de water as I can.  NOTE:  Dis involves some risk of getting water poured on you, but it must be done!  I also be sure dat staff is properly intimidated into doing dere job correctly by always keeping a superior scowl on my face….like dis:

Notice de icy stare, de look dat implies ‘you best be doin dis right or dere will be consequences.’  Use dis pic to practice dis look on your own, my kitty friends.  Practice dis until you can do dis without thinking.  You’ll be glad to be havin’ dis skill to keep your staff running your household efficiently.

I hope dis post has been helpful to you, my kitty friends.  Please share other techniques you finds helpful in gettin your way….I mean techniques you be usin to supervise de efficient operation of your household.  Yup, dat’s it.  Mwow til later!

But no. 

Staff left her computer lid closed.  While fog can come on cat’s feet, cat’s feet cannots open de lid of a closed laptops.  I be tried everythings to be openin’ it….I be chewed on its, I be mwowed menacingly at its, I be puffed up and be lookin’ threatenin’, I dropped my toys on its, I be even took a naps on it.  None of these things will open a closed laptops.  Who knew? 

I’s had more den a few naps and–look there’s a birdie!

What was I sayin’?  Oh, yup…I’s been distracted since de time dey left and de time dey gots backs, so now I don’t even knows WHAT I wanted to blogs about.  Mwowhatever. 

Sometimes random thoughts is better.  Here.  I be sharin’ de rest of de poem abouts de cat’s feet.  Dat Carl Sandburg…he must have been a great staff for some lucky kitty friend to be writin’ so nice about de cat feet.

Fog  by Carl Sandburg

The fog comes

on little cat feet.

It sits looking

over harbor and city

on silent haunches

and then moves on.

There.  See hows de kitty is like de fog?  Kitties be de perfect subject for all kinds of great literatures.  I be sharin’ more of de great literary works about cat-hood in future posts.  Mwow til thens, my kitty friends!

Helplessly hoping,

His staff hovers nearby.

Awaiting a word,

Gasping at glimpses

of generous true spirit

He leaps, wishing he could

wit his paws, turn de faucet on hisself.

Wordlessly watching

He waits by de sink

and wonders

at de empty space inside

Heartlessly helping hisself to a snarky look

He scowls

Are staff comin’ to helps or not?

He is one kitty

He is too thirsty

He is three minutes waiting

Staff is for de turning on of de faucet!

OK….so it don’t exactly match CSN&Y’s lyrics, but you gets de picture.  (Apologies to CSN&Y–find de true lyrics and a Youtube video of Helplessly Hoping HERE)

So, my fellow kitty friends, if you be have a better technique to gets your ways wit drinkin’ from where YOU wants too, lets me know.  Mwow for now.

• Why does staff not want me to drink from de sinks when theys washin’ up?
• Why does no water come outs of de faucets when I licks dem at night?
• Why does staff keep movin’ my water dish back to de wall after I’s positioned it where I likes it–in the middle of de hallway?
• Why are de birdies outsides where I can’t get dem?
• Why do we has to has glass in de windows?
• Why does staff get perturbed when she’s fillin’ my chow bowl (just cuz I likes to eats at de same times)?
• Why does toys end up backs in de basket after I’s placed dem all over do house in convenient places?
• Why does de birdies taunt me so?
• Why does staff not likes it whens I runs betweens their feets when they’s tryin’ to gets somewhere?

Ah my Kitty Friends, I just can’t figures these things outs.   Hmmmmwow.  Do you thinks it be because I falls asleeps when I’s a-pondering?  If yous knows de answers to any of these things, please comment backs.  I’m feelins likes a naps right nows……mwow til later!